intentions

I always try to write blogs. I think like a blog... Like in some kind of situational, potential conversation I'm going to have with someone. Never works out that way though. Usually I end up not having much to say, always reacting, never really taking the lead in conversations. It's not that I have nothing to say, or that I'm too shy (eh), it's more that I forget. I forget a lot lately. I forget to drive faster sometimes. I forget to turn off the stove. I forget names, and scheduled dates, and more. I also forget to talk, I guess. I think a lot. When I'm actually with people now, it rarely seems real. It's kind of scary. I'm so used to thinking, that when it comes to talking lately, it isn't natural.

Which probably explains how and why I'm babbling on right now. Who the fuck's going to read this anyways? No one, probably, which is fine, because I'm just thinking through my fingers. It gets awkward when I know someone reads one of my blogs, and especially if they comment it. But why be embarrased? It's more or less just flattering.

Hmm...

So.... something I tend to ask myself everyday when driving home is "Why do I do the things I do?"
Little things.. like.. lying to my parents about the fact that I've been in "The Wiz" for over a month now. Ok that's more than a little thing.. and I've been "meaning" to tell them, but it's like not even an option. WHY? I should be proud of the fact that I'm playing the Tinman, and tapping and whatnot. But no.. gotta hide it. Everyday it gets worse, too. Yikes. Oh well.. the truth will come out soon, I guess.
But I just do so many things that don't make sense. I won't get too much into details, but I mean.. I'm just kind of stupid. Though I am 21, so whatever, but... I'm pretty good at making a habit out of things. So why not make habits out of good things? Like exercise, practicing piano and guitar, and more. EH, WHY?
I also tend to have phases.
So.
Maybe it's just a phase.


OK enough about that. Recently my younger cousin Joshua friended me on facebook.. we started talking about our family, and how it kind of has been disintegrating and growing apart.. and how much that sucks. There's no reason 40-60 year olds should behave like 15 year olds, and the kids in their teens and 20's have to be the ones to see the forest, but that's what's happening. So we're going to attempt an "intervention" of sorts... this sounds like a silly joke from a kids movie, but there's no need to keep feeling lame about your family when in fact there is something you can do about it. It's you're FUCKING FAMILY! They should stick together.
He's one deep 16 year old haha.

In other news, I can't stop listening to Kate Bush.

And I'll probably just write another blog soon.

Have a nice day!

-Jeff