run fatboy run

maybe this time....

dope

i thought i was done with all my weeding

but they keep coming back for their last shot

what will i do when the big weed tries once more? or is that not going to happen?

guess i need some industrial strength pesticide.. aka heartlessness

fay ray

whatever happened to excitement?

generations

i love to think about being a product of my parents, and how my sisters are too.

yet my sisters and i are all very different, but clearly come from the same place.

it's fascinating.

family

why do reunions only happen under unfortunate circumstances?

august 22.. a necessary day

ruby

that's the question: "what's eating me? what am i trying to pacify?"

ok that's 2 questions...

there's no easy way out.. you have to think.

growth

were you aware that as you age, your drama level increases?
i'm talkin 30's, 40's, 50's, +
pure joy!!!
enjoy youth.

rough

There's a lot to learn from you
words I don't know yet,
but my intentions do

I can't reduce myself to this
Speechless face I couldn't replicate
Can't give an absent kiss

You may allow yourself to see what you want
You may allow yourself to be what you want
Rarely do they match up.

I usually feel like I have so much more to say,
it's on the tip of my tounge, but the back of my mind.
Like I said, there's words I don't know yet.

i stole this from debby

"Now that it's all over, what did you really do yesterday that's worth mentioning?"

-Coleman Cox

i can't tell if this is inspiring, or just incites regret.

so please be kind if i'm a mess

honestly, losing my fucning mind

i don't even remember names anymore

though only thing that is certain in my life is the fact that i am in the wiz

i don't actually know anything about BEING in the wiz though

HMMM!!!

in other news, i took a big hike today! i saw a large fox and almost had to fight it again. here's some pictures:

The Tower...

you can kind of see my house through the trees

ok apparently i'm really bad at uploading and deleting pictures. fuck.

grudge

i feel like i'm making a lot of enemies
and people are making an enemy of me

i'm just really sick of 'fun and games' that are genuinely just...... fun and games.

more typical catharsis

saw some light, saw some dark.

don't know why i would think it's a hard choice.

light is better.

and always something in between interferes.. that was just a personal joke that i found to be very funny.

sometimes shaky is exciting.. but i think it's pretty scary.

slowly... the green grass starts to groooow.

i think there's a reason i like to be early to things.. because being late is far too unfortunate.

ya know... everything's always chalked up to be a part of growing up.. but when can something just be chalked up to "being" something?

can mistakes identify you? repeated mistakes surely can, i feel. so.. i'm not who i think i am? i'm in denial?
or am i 'growing up'...?

apparently.. greeks consider 'catharsis' to be the release of emotion through terror (or something like that).
and i find this stupid blog to be cathartic.
so.. is opening up considered horrific?

i will relentlessly dance around the topic. beat around the bush, per say

did someone say kate bush? i'm fucking mesmerized.

ok enough of this lame shit. goodnight.

Love Toots

sweetheart, darling, bear in mind all the time,
that a constant friend is hard to find
but when you find one that is good and kind
never you change, never you change
old for new, oh darling
never you change, never you change,
old for new


*ps i know toots didn't write this*

Virgil

I found this on my old Livejournal... which is essentially an adolescent shit show, but I digress..


In heavenly minds can such resentments dwell?

..and ponder!

typical

it's such a cliche statement, but life is really, really too short and unexpected

never forget where you came from

RIP Bryon Naulder

talking

So I'm treating this blog like a Twitter with more words, and I'm fine with that. Fuck Twitter.

I was just talking to Davit, and we decided we need something definite, current, and complete.

That can induce some happiness. Perhaps September will be a good, clean slate.

what else?

"You caught me watching the hummingbirds"

intentions

I always try to write blogs. I think like a blog... Like in some kind of situational, potential conversation I'm going to have with someone. Never works out that way though. Usually I end up not having much to say, always reacting, never really taking the lead in conversations. It's not that I have nothing to say, or that I'm too shy (eh), it's more that I forget. I forget a lot lately. I forget to drive faster sometimes. I forget to turn off the stove. I forget names, and scheduled dates, and more. I also forget to talk, I guess. I think a lot. When I'm actually with people now, it rarely seems real. It's kind of scary. I'm so used to thinking, that when it comes to talking lately, it isn't natural.

Which probably explains how and why I'm babbling on right now. Who the fuck's going to read this anyways? No one, probably, which is fine, because I'm just thinking through my fingers. It gets awkward when I know someone reads one of my blogs, and especially if they comment it. But why be embarrased? It's more or less just flattering.

Hmm...

So.... something I tend to ask myself everyday when driving home is "Why do I do the things I do?"
Little things.. like.. lying to my parents about the fact that I've been in "The Wiz" for over a month now. Ok that's more than a little thing.. and I've been "meaning" to tell them, but it's like not even an option. WHY? I should be proud of the fact that I'm playing the Tinman, and tapping and whatnot. But no.. gotta hide it. Everyday it gets worse, too. Yikes. Oh well.. the truth will come out soon, I guess.
But I just do so many things that don't make sense. I won't get too much into details, but I mean.. I'm just kind of stupid. Though I am 21, so whatever, but... I'm pretty good at making a habit out of things. So why not make habits out of good things? Like exercise, practicing piano and guitar, and more. EH, WHY?
I also tend to have phases.
So.
Maybe it's just a phase.


OK enough about that. Recently my younger cousin Joshua friended me on facebook.. we started talking about our family, and how it kind of has been disintegrating and growing apart.. and how much that sucks. There's no reason 40-60 year olds should behave like 15 year olds, and the kids in their teens and 20's have to be the ones to see the forest, but that's what's happening. So we're going to attempt an "intervention" of sorts... this sounds like a silly joke from a kids movie, but there's no need to keep feeling lame about your family when in fact there is something you can do about it. It's you're FUCKING FAMILY! They should stick together.
He's one deep 16 year old haha.

In other news, I can't stop listening to Kate Bush.

And I'll probably just write another blog soon.

Have a nice day!

-Jeff