worthwhile

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that when you dream that your mom says "YOU'RE NOT FUCKING TRYING" when you complain that nothing works out for you, perhaps I should start fucking trying.

the stubborn bass line

once you get past that part when you don't want to smile
it aint dat bad.


TYPICAL.

mucho tiempo

so how many times do i have to remind myself that i can't get anything done without doing it?

if every day is a struggle, i should do something. but... i guess.. why not???? i can barely dial the telephone, let alone chase after the unknown. and... imagine the struggles i have yet to struggle?? regardless.... you gotta take the good with the bad. and i like the thought of the good that i want to feel.... i've become accepting of bad times, if i just remember... that little sliver of silver. what there is that makes me smile.

what chance

i'm just
24
.
.
.
.
24
.
.
.
.
 and it's better than fort... naw, it's not much better than anything.

a song for freedom

i wish i knew
what to do
when i aint
usin paint
why can't i
justify
sitting down
without a frown


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

i could...

be depressed about driving, working, and repetition
be let down with myself for not going after dreams
let myself be consumed more by what i have and have not done

or

use this as a means to an end

...i choose you, pikachu

who knows what i can do, but i hope it's something.

until then, i will do this.

dear penpal

i'm told where you live is really quite far
would you please send directions
on how i can get where you are?

day 2- slowly (slowly!)

i almost called this day three. not right...
the green grass starts to grooooow.

i've been home for a week now. i realize it's only a week, but there are definite changes. good changes.

i haven't run 3 miles since... ever?? that's good.

hopefully tomorrow brings the same. i wish it was hot out.

i'm also really glad to be a part of a fun, NICE, talented cast with Evita. it's my favorite show, in my dream role, and i don't want it to suck. and it won't.

i just need to finish watching black swan again.. perfect! ok, night.

day 1

suc-cess. guess that's all there is to say about that. i love hiking. i hate the impractical risk of bears. and foxes. i need a knife. it felt good running. perhaps working out without a hangover is easier? haaaa i would like to take this time to address 7/8. it is difficult on paper. but if you just feel it and sing it, it has such a good flow to it. rollin rollin rolliiin. i hope no one thinks i'm "abandoning." as always, phones go both ways. as does facebook, email, text, skype (?), blogs (?), whatever. "girl, do you" girl, DO you? beard, itch. that's... all...!

day 0

hi blog, it has been a long time. i tend to write blogs in my head and never write them because i have no computer. so tomorrow is day 1 of my "grabbing whatever by the whatever" fixing it all up physically and mentally. umm... i have goals that i will be setting and i am requiring myself to actually acheive them this time.... hahaha running is something i've always wanted to do, being that my dad and sister are crazy runners. i don't think i'll be doing any marathons or anything, but i want to do 5/10k's by july. that's a goal, yes? i need to tan and work out so i can be second best to antonio in the che department. i need a job that will hold my interest. haha.. yes. ultimately, i need to live with devotion, happiness, and care. things have been rock bottom for us lately, and we are doing our best to perfect this all. "this rock... this rock has been waiting for me my whole life" maybe i should call this "127 days" ... hahaha that would be by august. not soon enough. bye!

skinny bitch

what... the... fuck???

i dunno. figuring things out is annoying, but alas, i am not the only one

"no one cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy"

im sick of my skin cracking

i love chico marx.

ummmm,,, same old i gueth, hehehe!

what had happened was?

it is so typical to reflect on a year, and it is so typical to point out that it is typical to write about a year going by. but i mean, it's within reason... new years is to celebrate the passing of a year, and the beginning of another. therefore, the past year will be on your mind, and you'll BLOG about it.

I'm not going to say much... I would just like to know how I got here. I don't understand what I do, and I have no idea what I'm going to do... I want to write more later.. yeah... Merry Christmas.

hey jeff

dont disappear again



wwhhhhooooaaaaa

rumbleroar

theres so much on my mind, i cant get it all out

all i know is i cant take it

i need my own

i never imagined one person could be so illogically angry?

k

grrrrrrrrr

i hate dicking people over
and
i hate waking up in pain
and
i hate seeing people run up mt washington
while
i feel like i'm going to DIIIEE!!!


GEHEHE

a little bit haaarderrrr

i wanna try to write something, but i probably won't.

so many things to say, and i can't remember what... ugh.

i'm a mess, man.

i'm tryin.

lies, lies, lies, yeeah

i wouldn't say i'm a liar.
but sometimes you gotta look out for other people
and sometimes i gotta look out for myself
RIGHT?!

people always say that.
"love yourself"
apparently, people don't want me to do that.
it really upsets them.
offends them.
puts them out of my focus.
HOW DARE I!?

happen someday!

maybe I am smart?
maybe I can do something after this?

take me down to wondaland

la-la-lala- laa -lala

i have this vision of what my life is supposed to be for the next year.

it all has to be done THIS week

500 miles from home

i am praying like crazy

please, please let this happen

the future depends on it!

help me obi-wan kenobi,
you're my only hope!

so what happens now?

Since my life changed on Monday, I have about... I don't even know how many decisions to make.




I do believe this is right.
I do miss money.