what had happened was?

it is so typical to reflect on a year, and it is so typical to point out that it is typical to write about a year going by. but i mean, it's within reason... new years is to celebrate the passing of a year, and the beginning of another. therefore, the past year will be on your mind, and you'll BLOG about it.

I'm not going to say much... I would just like to know how I got here. I don't understand what I do, and I have no idea what I'm going to do... I want to write more later.. yeah... Merry Christmas.

hey jeff

dont disappear again



wwhhhhooooaaaaa

rumbleroar

theres so much on my mind, i cant get it all out

all i know is i cant take it

i need my own

i never imagined one person could be so illogically angry?

k

grrrrrrrrr

i hate dicking people over
and
i hate waking up in pain
and
i hate seeing people run up mt washington
while
i feel like i'm going to DIIIEE!!!


GEHEHE

a little bit haaarderrrr

i wanna try to write something, but i probably won't.

so many things to say, and i can't remember what... ugh.

i'm a mess, man.

i'm tryin.

lies, lies, lies, yeeah

i wouldn't say i'm a liar.
but sometimes you gotta look out for other people
and sometimes i gotta look out for myself
RIGHT?!

people always say that.
"love yourself"
apparently, people don't want me to do that.
it really upsets them.
offends them.
puts them out of my focus.
HOW DARE I!?

happen someday!

maybe I am smart?
maybe I can do something after this?

take me down to wondaland

la-la-lala- laa -lala

i have this vision of what my life is supposed to be for the next year.

it all has to be done THIS week

500 miles from home

i am praying like crazy

please, please let this happen

the future depends on it!

help me obi-wan kenobi,
you're my only hope!

so what happens now?

Since my life changed on Monday, I have about... I don't even know how many decisions to make.




I do believe this is right.
I do miss money.

bilbo.

sort of stretched like...
butter scraped over too much bread.
i need a holiday.
a very long holiday.
and i don't expect i shall return.
in fact, i mean not to.

paris, je'TEM

i watched this movie a few years ago with some people that i didn't know or like

but moments "haunted" more ever since

i finally remembered to buy it (cheap) and each short really just kind of got me going.

until the final one, which hit me the hardest the first time, and definitely hit me the hardest this time. every second of it completely breaks my heart and gives me hope at the same time, and at this point in my life, with everything i've been trying to figure out, it was dead on. i had to take some serious moments after that. thanks.

i keep it to myself!

except in blogs?


So my dream, again:

Started off going to flight school
decided i wasn't ready since i've never even been on a plane before
so i asked if my family could drive me to American University?

I was beyond excited
I got there and did the cliche slow opening of the door with a look back and a smile
i was instantly at home, in love
so welcoming, so many options

went to the music room, went to the asian room (with all kinds of pulleys and other kinds of hanging type things)

i had to decide which area to study, but i knew that for once, i was on my own, doing something for myself

as i was leaving the walls of the school, i saw a label for "walt disney this way" with an arrow pointing up the walls

i woke up and was devastated that with the way things have gone, this can't possibly happen.

i should still try though...

do it to it

i'm gonna ask for this little push
and you're gonna do it
yes?


thanks!

caught in this strange

new music!

it's been nearly impossible for me to make up my mind lately.

maybe it's because i feel that time is completely lacking. fleeting? naw. non-existence.

shit never makes sense. hehe!

i want to leave. and bring everyone with me.
because really, everyone wants something different? but no one actually seems to try.

dreams when i'm asleep

oh, wo, wo, wo
keep.

theyre was SO much packed into SO little.
of course, the ever-elusive teeth falling out.

mickey running, minnie standing. in my garage.

the weird with the windows open.

piecrusts.


it haunted me allllll day! all day! for real!

i dunno. we'll see what happens. to say "i feel something is going to be good" is a recurring feeling. but who knows. shit's really going down (aka up) hah.hahah.

glasses

you just keep losing your sense of self by trying to look powerful. knowing you, you'll regret it just like everything else.

kbye.

WEREWOLVES!

i never felt the need to "seek my identity" in one particular style,

so i guess that's why i'm a mess

andre gide

"fish die belly-upward and rise to the surface; it is their way of falling"

"one does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time"

he also said that shit about "better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you aren't," but no one else knows this.

how can these texts be forbidden? rude!

dat silver lining

i think i can
i weesh i can
...I CAAAAAN!

i lameeeeent!

losin hope here! not much i can do at this point, other than... beg intelligently.

marathon

combined with this weeks accomplishments, and the fact that i happily stood in the rain, i've never seen clearer or been more motivated to change my life.

it is all a chain.

+

smile, it'll last longer?
hahahaha.
i made a list, it is good. thanks.

militia.

so it was a dark town.
night one, a truck wreck or something began my unease
night two, a party with many people from my past. "does that offend you?"
then the train wrecked and hit my car, as i walked towards it. many people died.
so i joined the army, in the same town.
i had a goat...
the mandatory precision of my actions were too many to understand, and my current state was far too unstable to remember "bed 20" and which doors you can and can't go in (especially the dining hall)
it was a new world of heightened and lowered expectations, and my hair began to shrink.
some were intent of my changes, while others were missing me (while others had died). i began to like the army. i went to the top of the ball room, and more death began to happen.



but seriously, are there any good paths.

the other half

i believe that one and one makes... TWO!

babooshka

the whole idea of the song is really the futility and stupidness of humans and how by our own thinking and spinning around in our own ideas, we come up with completely paranoid facts

-KB

hmm

hmm
hehe
i dunno

fucking hipster.

i feel like i'm selling myself short.

but these sound fun, or something.

compared to making a quarter an hour.

gat a big ego

i feel that any time i interact with anyone else, i am humbled.

boding.?.

i know what i have to do but i keep doing the opposite.
i guess i'm waiting for that hard kick in the ass.
jeff of 5 years ago would not approve of jeff today.

jeff of 5 years ago didn't know as much as jeff today does.
which one is the real me though? hmm.. heh


i'm starting to feel life in my hands.

ghhghhu

i can't write any more songs about mundane things or people.

i need to figure out if grad school is a good idea.

an office is not.
music is yes.

i said no, a-don't do that

why does everyone have to be so particular? fuck particular. live and let live.

Do this.
don't do that, that's weird.
you did that?
why are you this?
how can you not be this?

i dunno, because i was raised to be me?

superstition

a bird tried to get in her window. RIP Uncle George. such a character.

wild.

you can't be let down if you don't expect the world.

spontaneity is the fear of having dreams or of being let down.

stirring and stirring my breeeew

i know i'm going crazy, but i seen a cycle just now.

here's the way it goes.

1. a joke.
2. crazy.
3. jacks rule the realm.
4. my name - ish.
5. an illusion.
6. goodness, yet potentially wasteful.

just ended number 3. so.. i mean, i guess soon enough my name comes up again.

paranoia, part douche

CAN YA BLAME ME

i have dreams

i keep it to myself
i know what it means
i can't have [you?]
but i have dreams.

the possibility of happiness and freedom from suffering in an age of uncertainty

cynicism is very misunderstood. i think people think 'doubters' are 'cynics.'
i'm a doubter of being a cynic.
because i don't like labeling myself as something trendy.
but i'm not a cynic. there are no TRUE cynics anymore. because technology.

it's just pretty hard to look someone in the eye and smile when you're so paranoid.

the web expands and is inescapable. essentially. that's pretty dramatic hehehe

i forget where i was going hehe bye!

point.

i don't know why i keep doing these things. not that i 'keep doing these things.' but i mean, ever. confidence? down. drive? significantly up. so... yeah, i guess we'll see.
that's cute, huh?

idk

everyone finds their own hobbies (if they're smart enough to have one, as many homos don't) to be the most important and fruitful hobby in the world. it is intimidating, yet silly.

that typical shit.

last year was nothing special or dramatic. because i get over shit.

this year might have some good things. if i'm willing to go.